


never eat your surrogate sister's waffles

by uhjpg



Series: feathers au [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Gotham (TV), Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Barbara Gordon is the best, Cassandra Cain is the best, Damian Wayne is a Little Shit, Dick Grayson is a Talon, Tim Drake is Red Robin, bruce 100 percent just went on the mission to avoid dealing with bullock., he is also very tired, jason is still passed out during all of this lmao, tim and babs have a sibling like relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-07 03:07:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18401849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uhjpg/pseuds/uhjpg
Summary: With Bruce out on an impromptu League mission, he leaves his most competent child with the job of informing the GCPD of what was going on in Haly's Circus and ensuring that all of the members of the Court of Owls are put away for good. Unfortunately for Tim, convincing Captain Harvey Bullock that all of this is real is more work than he has time for, and the only way of convincing him to take the files requires a ridiculous game of dress up that Babs has been probably planning as revenge since he accidentally ate her waffles.Meanwhile, Damian learns an important lesson about provoking enhanced assassins.[Set between Ch. 4 and Ch. 5 of “owl feathers and orange fuzzy socks”]





	never eat your surrogate sister's waffles

**Author's Note:**

> okie dokie folks, here's some of what happened between chapters 4 and 5 of 'owl feathers and orange fuzzy socks" but you don't Have to read it [but you might be confused w some stuff if you don't]
> 
> also this hasn't been proofread yet so bear w me here

****  
  
  


March 16th, 2019

 

It was a bright and sunny day; the birds were chirping cheerily, squirrels were running back and forth excitedly as they went along their business, and people whistled as they jogged by. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood. Everyone but Tim.

 

Then again, most people would be in a bad mood if  _ Batman  _ thrust one of his projects into their laps to sort out.  One of his  _ unfinished _ ones, mind you. Bruce knew that actually turning the criminals in and keeping them in was the hard part so of course, he had a conveniently timed Justice League mission. Which of course resulted in Tim having to clean up his messes.

 

Not that Tim blamed him, he would've left too if he could. Unfortunately, that would mean that all of the criminals currently in holding cells would be let go. With Batman gone, Red Robin was the only one in Gotham with the credibility to convince the GCPD that they belonged at Blackgate (or even Arkham…), as well as provide the evidence that backed up his claims. The GCPD saw Robin as a kid (much to Damian's irritation), and he  _ was _ one, so him dropping in and demanding they keep their prisoners wouldn't fly. Also, Damian wasn't the exactly the most patient person, and he seriously doubts the Gotham City Police Department would appreciate a four-foot eleven-inch kid dropping in and threatening them to put away all the people for the kid while holding a katana to someone's throat.

 

Yeah. That would  _ not  _ be good publicity.

 

He briefly wishes Cass was with him, but she had left after the fight two days ago with the promise she would return when Tim left to keep an eye on Dick, who everyone was still slightly suspicious of (Hey! They were Batman's kids. They  _ lived  _ on being overly suspicious of everything. It's how they stayed alive without superpowers. Also, even if Dick  _ was _ sincere, there was a chance he could still be brainwashed.), as well as keep Damian from murdering someone.

 

Not that Alfred wasn't perfectly capable of keeping Damian in check, but it was an extra precaution.

 

Adjusting his cowl, he drops down from his position on the rooftop of the police station, files in hand and waltzes into the building.

 

The building was old and definitely has been through some shit. He can still see the crack in the large circular window that goes down to the door frame in a jagged line from when the Joker had set off bombs all throughout the city when Bruce was still a 17-year-old kid.

 

Of course, the Joker hadn't been called the Joker then, but the sentiment remained.

 

He can also see the plaster that had been reapplied just last week because of the Penguin, and he shakes his head. No one should live in Gotham. It was too fucked up.

 

But then again, the people themselves were too fucked up to live anywhere else. He tries to imagine someone from Gotham trying to live somewhere where the people were primarily cheerful and trusting, like Central City and he as to bite the inside of his cheeks to keep from snorting. It wouldn't work well, Gothamites were too distrusting and weary to live around people who were always smiling and inviting you to barbeques. 

  
  


Gripping the package, he makes his way towards the receptionist and asks for Commissioner Gordon.

 

Gordon was pretty reasonable and usually worked with Batman, so hopefully, he'd be as understanding with Tim. If not, he'd have to fight an even bigger uphill battle.

 

The receptionist doesn't even blink an eye at his suit, she's probably seen weirder things before, and punches in a few buttons on the phone and asks for Commissioner Gordon. 

 

After a few seconds of rapid speaking, a few eyerolls, and an exaggerated sigh, the lady looks up, brushing a strand of curly brown hair behind her ear and looking back up at Tim.

 

“He's out this week, but you can talk to Captain Bullock.” She points behind her to the captain's office. “He can help you with any...issues you might have.”

 

Internally, Tim groans. Harvey Bullock wasn't exactly known for his easygoing personality and his willingness to comply with vigilantes, which is why they usually got everything done with the Commissioner. It was faster, easier, and more convenient. 

 

Externally, Tim gives her a half smile, mutters thanks, and walks around her desk and walks up the stairs to the office, ignoring the looks he was getting from the officers in the building.

 

This is why he preferred just operating at night and dropping off the perps with a report attached to them as opposed to walking in and having to argue with individuals in charge, but this case was significant enough that they couldn't risk the people getting free. They had spent too much time and effort on this case.

 

As he briskly climbs up the stairs, he briefly wonders if this'll go faster if he calls Kon and convinces him to dress up as Superman and have him come over here and back him up. Probably not, Kon may be Clark's clone but he was still an entirely different person, physically and mentally. Bullock would spot the differences in no time. Or Kon's personality would make him purposely not cooperate with Tim. His personality was an acquired taste that not everyone can tolerate. He knows that Damian can't. Damian  _ despises  _ Kon but tolerates him so he can keep seeing Jon. Of course, Damian's definition of ‘tolerance’ is way different than most people's. It was a good thing Kon was practically indestructible or he'd probably be dead by now.

 

Sighing as he gets to the top of the stairs, he briefly wonders how he had such a dramatic family, and then decides he's too tired to deal with anything right now. And he'd definitely be brain dead after the argument he was about to have with Captain Bull-Head.

 

Knocking politely on the door before walking in, he drops the stack of files on the desk right in front of the man, who was currently eating a hamburger.

 

Bullock looks up at him and glares. “I swear you people have no respect for the concept of a ‘lunch  _ break’.”  _

 

“Sorry, Captain.” He doesn't bother to hide the amusement in his voice and he waits for Bullock to put down his food and wipe his hands on an old newspaper, before grabbing the top file and flipping through the crisp papers.

 

“Are you kidding me?” He asks in disbelief, looking up. “The circus freaks locked up in my cells aren't an elaborate prank?”

 

Tim's glad that his cowl covers most of his face because his face is screaming “I'm-dead-right-now-and-you're-not-helping” and he doesn't need the Captain angry with him. “Yes, Sir.”

 

Bullock shakes his head, and Tim can see small crumbs from his burger fly off of his beard. He purses his lips to keep from making a judgey face. He wants this over already.

 

He finally looks up from the top file at Tim and glares. “This, Robin, is bullshit.”

 

“Robin is Batman's  _ sidekick _ . I'm Red Robin,” he's quick to correct him, “And that  _ isn't _ bullshit, Sir. Batman signed off on all of the documents. Everything is in order.” He chews on his bottom lip to keep from sighing.

 

“You really think you're entitled to just come in here, throw a bunch of papers on my desk, say  _ Batman  _ said they're okay, and expect me to just agree? Well, I got news for you, kid. That ain't gonna fly.”

 

“All the evidence is there, Sir. Nothing was made up.” Tim mentally curses at Bruce. He probably knew that Gordon would be out this week.

 

Bullock had already turned around. “You can grab your documents and let yourself out.”

 

Seething, Tim grabs his files and walks out as calmly he can. He was gonna murder someone, preferably Bruce. Or maybe Captain Bull-Shit.

 

As he walks out of the building and rounds the corner, he hears something rolling towards him and he spins around.

 

\--

 

Dick sighs and looks up at the ceiling in exasperation. “I know you're there, Damian. If you're gonna spend the entire day stalking me, at least be slick about it.”

 

The kid walks around the corner, doing an impressive job at trying to appear unembarrassed. 

 

“I don't trust you.” Accuses Damian. He had his katanas strapped to his back, and he's glaring at Dick angrily. 

 

Dick eyes the kid carefully. Despite being angry, he didn't cross his arms, so that if he needed, he'd be able to defend himself without delay.  He had briefly seen the kid fight yesterday as Robin, but now as he observed him first hand, he knows for certain that this kid shouldn't be messed with.

 

Dick lets out a breath he hadn't been aware that he was holding. “We can't do anything about that right now. How about you sit across me, so you can watch me better.”

 

Damian eyes him suspiciously, but drags himself over and flops onto the cushion across from Dick before setting into a perfectly still crisscrossed position, katanas laying across his lap and his eyes intently focused on Dick.

 

Dick sends him a small smile and goes back to the cartoon he was watching on the device Bruce had left him before he left. He knows that the device probably monitors everything he does, as well as who he tries to contact, but he doesn't blame the man for being cautious. It would be downright stupid of him if he wasn't even a bit weary. In fact, everyone in the household was walking on eggshells around him, except Damian, who has made it blatantly clear that he doesn’t trust him.

 

He hears soft footsteps and he sees the girl, Cass, quietly sit down on a cushion that would allow her to monitor him with little difficulty. She doesn’t look away when he looks at her, instead, she looks straight at him with a sharp, calculating gaze. 

 

Dick doesn’t know much about her, but he knows he doesn’t want to get on her bad side. He turns back around and is met with Damian’s stormy gaze. The kid hadn’t even blinked since he sat down, and Dick has to admit he’s impressed. He would’ve gotten bored about an hour ago.

 

Not for the first time, Dick wishes that Jason was awake. Jason thought he was okay. Or at least he hoped so. He was tired of people waiting for him to try to kill them.

 

If he had wanted them dead, they would have by now. Not that he wanted anyone to die, but still. He wasn't going to just randomly attack them. It would be an incredibly stupid move.

 

He counts to 10, trying to relax. 

 

Trying to relax while an angry 13 year old with a katana next to them is glaring at you is unsurprisingly difficult. And it's even worse when there's an older person watching him from behind with hawk like gaze.

 

Putting down the tablet, he shifts his position to mirror Damian's. 

 

Damian scowls and unfolds his legs. So does Dick. Damian puts his left leg back up on the couch and Dick mirrors him.

 

“Stop it,” Damian demands.

 

“Stop it.” Dick echos back.

 

“I told you first.” The kid insists, frown deepening.

 

“I told you first.” Parrots back Dick.

 

Except for Damian's eyebrow twitching upwards, his face becomes a smooth mask, displaying no emotion.

 

Behind him, he can almost hear Cass shift her position. When he looks back, she's standing directly behind him.

 

_ Let's go spar.  _ She signs to Damian.  _ You need to calm down. _

 

_ “ _ I  _ am _ calm, thank you very much. And I don't need some random woman that I've never met before telling me what I need to do. My mother already fulfilled that role for quite some time.” He tells her in a terse tone of voice that threatens to let his emotions spill over at any given moment and Dick is reminded of just how young Damian is. “And I don't know why Father trusts you but-”

 

She walks over to Damian and looks him directly in the eyes and Damian stills, the fiery anger in his eyes simmering down.

 

“You're her.” He tells her matter-of-factly. “You're the girl in the mountains.”

 

She sends him a soft smile and holds out her hand and he eyes it suspiciously as if waiting for her to hit him. When she doesn't do anything, he takes her hand and pulls himself up and looks up at her.

 

“I'll beat you to the cave.” He tells her before taking off. Cass moves to follow, but she slows and looks back at Dick.

 

“You can come too.” She offers and Dick grins and leaps off of the couch, running after her and Damian.

 

\--

 

Tim spins around in the empty alleyway, half expecting Bullock to have commanded one of the officers to try to take him out, but is instead met with one very amused Barbara Gordon.

 

He lets out a quiet sigh and relaxes. 

 

“Hey, Babs.” 

 

She smiles at him. “Hey, Tim! I couldn't help but overhear that you were having issues with Captain Bullock.” He can hear her amusement laced into her words and he's glad that his cowl covered his eye roll.

 

She smacks his arm lightly. “Don't roll your eyes at me.”

 

Or so he thought. Not much got past Barbara. 

 

“Sorry.” He admits sheepishly, absently rubbing the arm she had hit.

 

She laughs and wheels a bit closer to him. “I can help you get these files to Bullock without him knowing that vigilantes were involved.”

 

He wants to cry from relief but he doesn't. He settles for a “Babs, literally, all of us would be dead without you.” 

 

“Oh trust me, I'm well aware.” She answers wryly while scrolling through her phone, the light reflecting off of her glasses.

 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” He mutters, adjusting his grip on the files.

 

“Of course.” She tells him absentmindedly, before holding out her phone to him. “If you go to this address, you'll find a police uniform. Put it on, do your best impression of a police officer, and give it to Bullock. He'll take it from you if you're dressed like that. And no, he won't know it's you because I  _ guarantee  _ you he didn't even look at your files. He's real good at faking that he's working.”

 

Memorizing the address easily, he raises an eyebrow even though she probably couldn't see it through his cowl. Or maybe she could. He was about 99% sure she had xray vision.

 

“I thought that the daughter of the police commissioner should be encouraging people to follow the law, not breaking it by impersonating an officer of the law.” 

 

Barbara scoffs, tucking a strand of thick red hair behind her ear. “Like parading around in  _ that thing”  _ she gestures to his suit “is 100% legal. The government just  _ loves  _ vigilantes.”

 

He sighs. “Is it the cowl? I heard Jason call me a condom head like two days ago and I gotta say, I'm not a fan of that comparison.”

 

Barbara raises both eyebrows. “Jason?”

 

“New guy. Bruce caught him trying to break into his car.” Tim waves his hand flippantly.

 

“So he adopted him?” She asks, and he can see her trying not to laugh.

 

“He also adopted a Talon, but that's another story.” He mutters under his breath.

 

“He adopted a  _ what?”  _

 

“Long story. I'll tell you later. I gotta blast, I have a police officer to impersonate. Love ya!” He takes off running and he can hear Barbara's laughter floating after him.

 

It takes him about an hour to get to the apartment on foot while taking precautions to ensure that he wasn't seen, and he finds himself yearning for Diana's invisible jet.

 

He wonders if he can get her to loan it to him. Probably not.

 

Quietly slipping in the back window of the apartment, he grabs the uniform and quickly changes into it after doing a quick perimeter sweep.

 

Shoving his suit in a duffle bag, he brushes at his messy hair with is fingers. He has no idea how Bruce's hair looks good after he takes off his cowl, but he needed to learn fast because if he thought his encounter with Bullock was a disaster,  his hair was about ten times worse.

 

Or maybe he'd just switch to a domino mask like Damian. 

 

Yeah. He'd do that.  

 

Maybe.

  
  


Tugging at the uniform's collar as he makes his way towards the police department, he adjusts his badge.

 

The uniform was slightly too tight for him, which was a shocker because Tim wasn't the stockist guy out there. Obviously, he had muscle, with all of Bruce's training it was impossible  _ not  _ to, but he was no Jason Todd, and police officers were typically larger individuals, whether from muscle or fat.

 

Barbara probably had something to do with that, he thinks sourly. She was like his older sister, but like all older sisters she was also occasionally the most annoying person on the planet, and she’s probably been waiting for a chance to get back at him since.

 

He looks behind him.

 

At least the pants made his butt look nice. But at this point, he looked less like a cop and more like a stripper.

 

The duffle bag he was gripping in his right hand probably didn't help much with the image, but he had a job to do and he was gonna get it done, even if he had to look like a stripper to do it.

 

Bruce trusted him with this job, and he wasn't going to let him down.

 

Quickening his pace, he feels more eyes on him now than when he had been in his Red Robin suit. Ridiculous.

 

Unfortunately, impersonating someone else meant you take their personality, and Officer Ric Drapper was a flirtatious man who loved all the attention on him so Tim grins flirtatiously at the people staring at him, casually brushing his bangs back and swaying his hips ever so slightly.

 

In reality, it wasn't casual at all and Tim would much rather have to do seven hundred pushups with weights attached to him than do this, but he was already almost at the police station and he couldn't turn back now.

 

Barbara was in the building, talking with someone and she lets out a loud whistle when he walks in.

 

True to his character, he grins back and winks behind his sunglasses but he's glaring at her with the intensity of a thousand suns on the inside. And he knows she knows it.

 

He makes a show of asking who he should give the evidence files to and a man named Alvarez tells him to go up to Bullock's office.

 

Waltzing up the stairs to Bullock's office, he sashays in and throws the files on the man's desk and whips off his sunglasses.

 

“Hey, Boss.” He drawls, leaning forwards on his elbows.

 

Bullock rolls his eyes. “What can I help you with, rookie?”

 

The way he says ‘rookie’ stings a bit, but Ric Drapper took everything in strides, so he doesn't acknowledge it.

 

“The DA finally sent over the files from the Haly's Circus debacle. Alvarez told me to take it up to you.” He nods at the man sitting at his desk.

 

“God. Finally.” Bullock grabs the files and flips through all of them. “These psychos actually did all of that stuff, huh.”

 

“Crazy, right?” Quips Tim, still leaning against the desk.

 

“You're telling me.” Mutters Bullock absentmindedly, completely absorbed in the files.

 

Tim straightens up enthusiastically. “So, do I get a raise for this or…”

 

Bullock laughs. “Let's not get ahead of ourselves, rookie. Let _ ’ _ s focus on actually getting here on time first.” He tells him, eyeing the Starbucks cup Tim had swiped from Barbara in retaliation.

 

He shrugs. “Doesn't hurt to ask.” 

 

Bullock snorts but is already putting the files in the correct cabinets. “Well you can tell the DA that these guys will be properly taken care of.”

 

Tim stands there for a second longer and Bullock rolls his eyes at him. “You can leave.”

 

Grinning brightly and saluting with two fingers, Tim slips out of the offices and makes his way out of the building, letting himself sigh in relief. He had done it. He doesn't know if the cost was worth it, but he'd done it.

  
  


\--

 

Damian's katana clashes against Dick's own, and Dick can see small sparks fly off of the two colliding weapons.

 

He sighs but dodges Damian's swipe towards his head with resigned determination. 

 

Damian and Cass had come down to the Cave to spar, but Damian had soon decided that he needed to prove that he was better than Dick so they'd been fighting for a good two hours.

 

The kid was good, but he was only 13. Dick had least six years of experience on the kid  _ and  _ a healing factor, as well as enhanced senses. It wasn't exactly a fair fight but Damian was determined.

 

Dick soon found out that sheer anger and determination was enough to power a small 13 year old for two hours non stop. He was almost impressed.

 

Damian's foot connects with Dick's stomach and the air leaves his lungs for a second.

 

Scratch that. He was impressed. This kid was good. He fought with a style similar to Jason. They were probably taught by the same people. 

 

But Damian keeps pushing and pushing and it's getting harder and harder for Dick to hold back.

 

Logically, he  _ could  _ just let Damian hack away at him for the next few hours, but that would hurt like a bitch. Just because he healed fast doesn't mean he couldn't feel pain. But Damian was becoming more and more vicious and Dick's attempts to not hurt the kid are getting more and more useless.

 

Finally, he turns around, looks straight at Cass and signs  _ turn off the lights.  _ So Damian doesn't know what's happening.

 

She seems to understand what he's going to do, so after a warning glance that says ‘if you really hurt him I'll kill you,’ she hits the lights.

 

The room turns pitch black but Dick can easily see everything around him, his enhanced eyes’ pupils widening to the point that his irises weren’t visible. 

 

He sees Damian stumble mid-flip and hesitantly stand up and look around. Under the cover of darkness, Dick can see a new side to Damian. While the lights were off and he thought no one could see him, his face was hesitant, distressed, and weary. Dick sees his lip tremble for a moment before Damian stills himself, closing his eyes.

 

Dick knows that he has impeccable senses and he’d use them to try to beat Dick even when his eyes weren’t any use to him. He has probably trained all his life to not stop, and Dick can sympathize with that. It’s hard to shake off years of brainwashing, but the beginning had to start at some point.

 

Damian would have to realize that he can’t always win and sometimes walking away is the safer option. He would also have to start trusting people, something that was kinda ironic coming from Dick. He was a brainwashed ex-assassin, after all.

 

Damian freezes, tilting his head ever so slightly towards Dick’s direction before throwing himself at Dick, katana outstretched and poised to strike.

 

Dick easily bats it away from his face and reaches behind the kid and pushes him down. Damian retaliates by flipping back, swiping blindly for Dick, who had already melted into the shadows, reappearing in front of him. He grabs Damian’s wrist and wrestles the hilt out of Damian’s tight grasp. It was difficult, and if Damian had even a slither of visibility, Dick wouldn’t have been able to take it from him but he’s willing to use unfair advantages.

 

Another hour passes and Damian still isn’t letting up. Dick’s impressed with his determination, he would’ve gotten bored hours ago.

 

Speaking of getting bored, he was tired of this and he knows that Damian’s getting tired, even if he won’t admit it.

 

Finally grabbing Damian by the collar of his shirt, he lifts him up. Cass takes that moment to turn the lights back on and the light slowly fills the room once more, showing Damian’s angry face for all to see. Damian looks away from Dick and he pokes his cheek. Damian swats it away in retaliation. He sets Damian down and grabs his shoulders.

 

“Look at me,” Dick tells him softly, still holding onto him.

 

Begrudgingly, Damian looks up at him with the most mournful expression Dick had ever seen on the kid.

 

“You need to understand, Dami,” Dick tells him in a quiet voice, “You  _ need  _ to understand that it’s okay for you to need to take a break and come back and tackle the problem later. It’s not healthy for you to keep going like this, you’ll get seriously hurt.”

 

Damian tries to wiggle his way out of Dick’s grasp, but Dick holds on, trying to get Damian to see what he’s doing was going to get him killed. 

 

“That’s a sign of weakness.” Hisses Damian. “Grandfather would  _ never  _ permit me to stop until I completed my task and if I stop now, I’ll lose my strength.”

 

Dick’s grip loosens. “That’s not a weakness, Dami. That’s a strength. It takes a lot of courage to be able to step back and reevaluate the situation. Taking a break makes you stronger because it gives you time to figure out your next move and helps boost your energy.” He lets go of Damian and he half expects the kid to kick him in the face, but instead, Damian frowns thoughtfully.

 

“I suppose your words have a certain...wisdom to them.” He finally admits, looking up at Dick.

 

“You need to learn to trust the people who care about you,” Dick tells him softly, but firmly. “You don’t need to trust me yet, you’ve only known me for two days, but there are a lot of people here who care a lot about you and only want the best for you.”

 

Damian nods silently, before grabbing Dick’s hand and dragging him towards Cass, where he grabs her hand as well.

 

“Pennyworth says a good way to get to know people is to eat with them, and I think he just made cookies.” He pauses for a second. “I’m only holding your hands to ensure that you don’t lag behind me. Speed is of the essence.”

 

Dick laughs, and he can see Cass cover her mouth to hide her smile. 

 

“Let's go Dami, maybe we’ll be able to swipe some hot chocolate too.”

 

“That is  _ not  _ my name.”

 

“No.” Agrees Dick. “But it’s cute.”

 

Damian mulls over this. “I will allow you, and only you, to call me this because it is efficient and saying ‘Damian’ may prove too much for you.

 

Dick ruffles his hair with his free hand, earning a hiss and boot stomped onto his boot for his efforts. 

 

“I draw the line at touching my hair.”

 

“You're the boss, little D.”

 

\--

 

Tim walks out of the public bathroom in his civvies, the duffle bag with his suit was traded out for a black JANSPORT backpack and he’s wearing a pair of ripped black jeans and a tshirt with the sides cut out instead of that god-awful police uniform. 

 

After trying and failing to hail four different cabs (Tim  _ swears  _ they see you walking towards them and they purposely drive away) before sighing in defeat and unlocking his phone and requesting an Uber.

 

Chewing on his lip as he waits for the Uber to arrive, his phone lights up with a notification from Bruce.

 

_ Bruce: 5:09 P.M.: Just got back. How did it go? Was everything fine? _

 

Glaring at the phone, he begins typing when the car arrives and he slides in, greeting the driver before turning his attention back to his phone.

 

_ Tim: 5:11 P.M.: Depends on your definition of ‘fine’. _

 

The response is immediate.

 

_ Bruce: 5:11 P.M.: Timothy… _

 

_ Tim: 5:12 P.M.: What’s your opinion on impersonating a police officer and lying to the Captain cuz if youre against it i totally didnt do that _

 

_ Tim: 5:12 P.M.: lmao. _

 

_ Bruce: 5:15 P.M.: Did you at least get the files submitted _

 

_ Tim: 5:16 P.M.: WHo do you take me for _

 

_ Tim: 5:24 P.M.: ya ofc  _

 

_ Bruce: 5:25 P.M.: you’re really going to make me google what that means? _

_ Tim: 5:27: if u don’t know what that mean s thats on you  _

 

The Uber pulls up in front of the gates and Tim thanks the driver and gets out, ignoring the awed expression on the driver’s face, eager to get inside and fall face first on his bed and stay there for as long as he can get away with.

 

Opening the door and dragging himself and his backpack into the house, he makes his way towards the kitchen to snag some of the goldfish before Alfred realizes and lectures him about eating before dinner.

 

Instead of the quiet empty kitchen, he had expected to walk into, the kitchen is loud, with laughter reverberating from every direction. 

 

Finding the source of laughter, he focuses on Cass, Dick, and  _ Damian _ laughing at something he had clearly missed.

 

He rubs his eyes. Damian  _ laughing?  _ He needed to get more sleep for sure. Just as he’s about to walk out, Dick calls out to him.

 

“Tim! Come sit with us!”

 

Tim looks back at Dick, kind of confused. He didn’t really know him, but he was still trying to include him. 

 

Shrugging, Tim shoulders his way between Dick and Cass and grabs a cookie, turning on the tv.

 

“-All of the members of the Circus, save for Ra’s al Ghul who had escaped before he could be handed over to the police," Everyone in the room grimaces at that. “Have been safely secured in either Blackgate or Arkham.” A red-haired reporter rattles off, and Tim looks for her name. 

 

“Iris West-Allen.” He briefly wonders why Barry’s wife wasn’t in Central City at the moment but shrugs it off. As long as it wasn’t Vale he was fine.

 

“In other news,” The reporter’s voice was tinged with amusement and Tim looks back up at the screen, “there seems to be a new bachelor in the GCPD that has nearly every young person drooling after him.” The screen cuts to pictures of Tim walking around in his police uniform and Tim slams his head against the table, hoping that his siblings wouldn’t notice it was him.

 

When laughter resurfaces throughout the kitchen he already knows he’s a goner but once he hears a glass shatter and he turns and sees Bruce staring at the TV and then back at Tim, a broken mug at his feet, he knows he’s screwed. 

 

“Tim.” Bruce’s voice is tinged with the slightest hint of hysteria. “ _ That’s  _ what you meant when you said impersonating a- I thought you said you impersonated an  _ officer,  _ not a stripper.”

 

When  _ Damian  _ starts shaking from trying to control his laughter while watching his brother stare helplessly at their father, Tim groans loudly and slams his head against the table again.

 

“Tim?”

 

“I stole Babs’ waffles.” Was his only reply before sliding off his chair and crawling under the table.

 

Damian’s head pokes underneath the table and he stares at Tim with a shit-eating grin. “You know what they say, never eat your surrogate sister's waffles.” Before hopping off the chair and running out.

 

“That’s not even a real saying!” Tim yells at his retreating form, watching Bruce continue to hyperventilate. Almost automatically, he takes out his phone and records it and sends it to Barbara. 

 

_ Tim: 5:54 P.M.: Look what you made me do _

 

_ Babs: 5:54 P.M.: He freaked out that bad? You should be proud. You tricked Bullock into working with you AND gave bruce a heart attack all in one day. (with my help ofc) _

 

Grinning, Tim looks up at Bruce, who still looks like he might drop dead at any moment, scrubbing away at the coffee spill, muttering about how ‘if these damn kids don’t kill him, Alfred will when he finds a stain on his impeccably clean floor.”

 

He walks over and helps Bruce clean up the stain, both of them increasing their speed as they hear Alfred making his way into the kitchen.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading uwu
> 
>  
> 
> [also Babs is 23 in this au :)]


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